


unavoidable

by orphan_account



Series: dealing with your own death [1]
Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dead People, Gen, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Canon Compliant, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Talking To Dead People, alternate events to say my name, beetlebabes can fuck right on off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:16:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Listen, babes,” Beetlejuice said, wrapping his arm around the girl’s—Lydia’s?—shoulders now that the initial shock had worn off, sliding her suicide note from her fingers and into his, “You try’na off yourself, yeah? Well,” he waggled his free hand that was resting on her shoulder, making a gesture toward the edge of the rooftop, “You could, like, go ahead and do that, or you could let me solve your problems in a way that doesn't sentence you to an eternal afterlife of serving the higher-ups!”Lydia’s face scrunched up in response as she wrangled herself free of his grip, lashing out to return her note to her deathly pale hands, “Whatever it’s like is probably better than this.”Or: he can't stop her, but at least he can get something out of it.
Relationships: Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz
Series: dealing with your own death [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747240
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	unavoidable

**Author's Note:**

> lydia dies but hey he tried
> 
> note that this starts after he's like "hey living girl, what brings you to the roof" and she's like "im gonna jump" and hes like "NO DONT DO THAT" 
> 
> also NO beetlebabes!!!!!!! beetlejuice just thinks shes kinda cool . its like a very, VERY brief friendship

Beetlejuice wasn’t one to discriminate, especially when it came to death. Death was death—it was inevitable, it was a mere concept that everyone experienced, no matter what one may attempt in order to avoid it. It was impossible to escape it, and for this reason, he never really bat an eye when he witnessed a suicide or an acceptance of dying.

In the end, it really only quickened the process, and as one who never felt what it was like to actually be  _ alive,  _ he had no idea what those breathers would be missing, so he figured if they wanted to die so badly then life, well, kinda sucked. He had no place to convince anybody otherwise, so, why try? Not like he had the means to actually stop someone from dying even if he really wanted to. He couldn’t affect the world of the living, after all.

But, now that he was being faced with the opportunity to at least slow the progress of some gothy teen’s death, he took the chance. Normally, he wouldn’t bother, but since this  _ living  _ girl could  _ see  _ and  _ hear _ and  _ interact _ with  _ him,  _ a literal  _ dead  _ guy, he  _ has _ to snatch up this chance to finally be seen by everybody else and run with it like hell because there was absolutely  _ no way  _ he would pass it up.

He’s been alone for  _ centuries,  _ with nobody who understood him and nobody to talk to. And now that he could finally,  _ finally  _ not be alone, who would he be to walk away without trying?

“Listen, babes,” Beetlejuice said, wrapping his arm around the girl’s—Lydia’s?—shoulders now that the initial shock had worn off, sliding her suicide note from her fingers and into his, “You try’na off yourself, yeah? Well,” he waggled his free hand that was resting on her shoulder, making a gesture toward the edge of the rooftop, “You could, like, go ahead and do that, or you could let  _ me  _ solve your problems in a way that  _ doesn't _ sentence you to an eternal afterlife of serving the higher-ups!”

Lydia’s face scrunched up in response as she wrangled herself free of his grip, lashing out to return her note to her deathly pale hands, “Whatever it’s like is probably better than  _ this.”  _ She made a vague gesture to the building they stood on in reference to the people it housed and the stuffy situation they were involved in.

Beetlejuice frowned at that, “Yeah, yeah, okay, well,” he let his arms drop back to his sides, “I can’t say that it wouldn’t be worth it if you jumped, because I was never alive in the first place and I can’t say shit about whatever’s happening with you, but!” He made a dramatic flair with his hands before sliding a step closer to her, “Before you kick the bucket, maybe you can do me a tiny little favor? Just an itsy-bitsy one—you just gotta say a few words and I’ll be outta your skin!”

Lydia raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, her arms crossed and her note tucked in between her pointer and middle finger, “What’s in it for me?”

“I mean,” a small pause, “You’re trying to go on a date with death right now, yeah? I’ll let you skedaddle on over with no more troubles as long as you say my name three times!” Beetlejuice grinned, clasping his hands together, “And, if you do it with no more questions, you get an added bonus of me fucking the system so you don’t waste your lovely little unlife behind a service counter!”

“Can I get that if I only ask two more questions?” Lydia asked after a brief lull in the conversation, considering the strange man’s offer—if that's what he even was.

“Well, not anymore, because you just asked a question when I said you couldn’t if—”

“Fine then,” she huffed, turning away and taking a step toward the edge.

“NO!” Beetlejuice almost screeched, throwing his arm out in front of her, “No! Okay, two more questions and you get the bonus!”

“Three.”

“Three more!” Beetlejuice yelped in desperate agreement.

“One,” Lydia began, stepping a comfortable distance away from Beetlejuice, “What do you mean with all the service stuff?”

“Ooh, a doozy to start! Okay, so, basically, breathers who commit suicide end up having to serve under the people in charge in the Netherworld—that’s the place you go when you die—and you handle all the cases and files that come with every newly-dead. Doesn’t seem fun if you ask me.”

Lydia’s eyebrows knitted together as she thought, “And you can make it so I don’t have to do that?”

Beetlejuice nodded excitedly, “Yup!” He confirmed, popping the  _ p _ , “I got some connections, and I can pull some strings so, that way, you can spend the rest of your existence relaxing or whatever dead people do instead. I don’t really know, most of them try to avoid me.” His hair seemed to flicker back to its earlier shade of purple for a second as he trailed off, Lydia noted, taking interest in the way it changed colors.

“Huh.” She took a moment to ponder his words, thoughts racing through her head, “Alright. Second question—”

“Third.” Beetlejuice corrected.

“That was a follow-up question.”

“Still a question—”

“No. Why do you need me to say your name three times?”

“It’ll make me visible!” Beetlejuice chirped, seemingly enthusiastic about the thought, but it only got a confused eyebrow-raise from Lydia.

“Whaddaya mean?”

“Fourth question—”

“No.”

Beetlejuice groaned, “Ugh, kids these days and their pestering! Well,” he snapped back into a less irritated demeanor, “I’m a dead guy, kid. I’m a demon. You’re a living girl. Now, the living usually ignore the dead—they can’t see me, and I can’t affect them. But,  _ you _ …” he paused, an interested gleam in his eye as he focused on her, “You’re different. You can see me, and talk to me. That’s, like, a super-duper rare thing. I’ve  _ never  _ had this happen before. So!”

A grin was plastered on his face as he threw his arms out to place them on Lydia’s shoulders, being met with a flinch as her own arms dropped to her side, one hand still gripping the note, “With your help, you can make me visible to anyone and everyone, and I won’t be ignored and lonely anymore like I’ve been for the past couple centuries! Say my name three times, and I’ll help you with your transition to the Netherworld! Fair trade?”

Lydia took a moment to think it over, subconsciously shrugging off the other’s grip, “Okay, well, what’s your name?”

“Fifth question—I can’t say it.”

Lydia grumbled under her breath at his remark, but he didn’t seem to actually mind her excess inquiries. She was puzzled by his answer for a moment, though she supposed it made sense. If he was under a condition where he could only be visible if somebody alive said his name, him being able to just tell them what it was would be a bit counterproductive. “Then, uh—can you, like, sign it to me or something?”

Beetlejuice blinked at the admittedly foreign concept to him, before perking up, “Oh, like, charades?”

“How can you do charades with a name?”

“Seventh question; here, uh, just go with it.” He responded, holding up two of his fingers and taking a slight step backwards.

“Two words?” Beetlejuice nodded, pointing at the second finger, “Second word.”

“Yeah!”

“Drink?”

“Kinda.”

“Beverage? Uh—wine? Glass? Milk? Juice?”

“Yes!” Beetlejuice cheered, before flashing up a finger.

“First word. Okay. Mammal? Animal?”

Each guess brought a shake of his head, “Bug? Type of bug?” A nod, “Okay, um...ant? Beetle?”

Beetlejuice’s arms shot up in the air as he let out a triumphant  _ woop,  _ “Nice job, babes! You got it!”

Lydia sported a dumbfounded expression, “Your name is  _ Beetlejuice?” _

“Sure is! Don’t wear it out!”

She snorted, “That’s a stupid fucking name.”

Beetlejuice gasped in feigned offense, pressing a hand to his chest where his still heart would be, “Oh my! How rude, Lydia Deetz!” He grasped her full name from his memory, from when she was reading her note to herself, “I can’t believe you’d say something like that!”

That drew a small chuckle from the girl, and he couldn’t help but revel in it for a brief moment. She thought he was  _ funny,  _ which meant she was cooler than he thought he was when he realized she could see him. It was nice, connecting with somebody.  _ Maybe _ he could let this interaction drag on longer than it had to.

“Anyway, so, I had a third question but you kind of answered it earlier.”  _ Fuck,  _ they were almost done talking.

“More like a twenty- _ first _ question.”

Lydia blinked, “Wow. Okay.” A pause before she tilted her head up to look him properly in the eyes, “So, I say your name three times, you help me out in the Netherworld, or whatever. Deal?”

Beetlejuice grinned, but it wasn’t as ecstatic of a grin as he expected it to be, because, maybe this girl was kinda cool and didn’t deserve to be subject to the Netherworld, but, he wasn’t going to go back on his word now. And so, he agreed, “Deal.” 

A smile made itself home on Lydia’s face as she nodded, “Beetlejuice.” 

He felt a tug at his name, and he should be really, super happy because he was finally going to be  _ seen.  _ Why didn’t he feel like shit was finally going right for him?

“Beetlejuice.” Lydia didn’t notice the conflicting colors of emotions in his hair.

She took a deep breath, turning from him and stepping forward to the edge of the roof, her heartbeat quickening, her note clutched to her chest. Beetlejuice stepped after her.

Why did she feel regret?

“ _ Beetlejuice _ .”

**Author's Note:**

> didnt proofread this because i didnt too feel like it and i wrote it all in one sitting and i just really wanted to post it so hopefully it's fine


End file.
